Dear Future Self,
Happy Belated Birthday. We live to see another year.
Sorry it’s a little late. We’ve been a little busy and don’t visit this page as often anymore, but I still wanted to write you something.
To be honest, I was scared for you a little bit. We almost gave up. But I’m glad that we pushed through, that we’re here.
There’s so much I want to say. A lot has happened. A lot of twists and turns and surprises.
I’m so proud of you. I can’t believe that we are where we are now. No matter how much you want to doubt yourself, we’ve accomplished so much.
It was hard trying to put your heart out there again, not knowing who to turn to or to trust, but I think you figured out who truly cares for you and has good intentions. Keep your eyes up though and don’t let your guard down. Just because you’re comfortable now doesn’t mean that it can change.
You still get sad sometimes. People learned how to move on without you, so you have to learn to do the same. No matter how much love you have now, you’re still going to have that empty place in your heart from those you loved and left. And that’s okay. It’s okay to remember those times, but we also have to remember to leave them in the past. No matter how much we wish we could go back we have to keep our head up and keep moving forward.
You almost gave up on love too. But look where we are now. I don’t think you’ve fallen in love this hard before. And I’m proud of you for taking your time, being honest, and giving it a chance. This love continues to grow more every single day as you learn and discover new things about it. Hopefully in our later years you will read this thinking of the same person. That’s the goal.
You always feel blessed that you’re with him. Our time together so far has been nothing but amazing. Through thick and thin. We’ve already had things to argue or bicker about, we’ve bumped heads and had a couple lows, but it gets better after all that. Ten times. I’m so happy and I hope that it stays something like this.
Your anxiety has been more manageable, and I think he has something to do with it. It has gotten in the way before, but he is patient and caring. He does his best to understand and so do you. It’s good that you’re finally able to be comfortable around someone to share how you truly feel. Not that we should depend on others to help, but he really has helped.
We were in the dark for a long time now, but at least now, there’s a light guiding us out. One day, we’ll get there.
There’s so much more I want to say to you, but I’ll try to cut it short this year.
Bannysa, now that you’re 21, you’ve become wiser, bolder, more confident, loving, caring, stronger, inspiring, courageous, and outstanding. You never fail to amaze me.
Although we’re not quite old yet, always have a young heart. Never stop being curious and always explore what might be out there. There’s so much to see and do, and I want you to experience it all.
Don’t stop being true to yourself. And now, you have a better and deeper understanding of who you are and who you want to become. Never let anyone get in the way or change that.
Cheers to us. I will always love you and have your back. Don’t be afraid.
Love,
Bannysa at 21 years.
My idea of love is still distorted, but I can’t lose sight of trying to figure it out. Not again. God is testing me.
My head hurts.
My heart is broken.
My body is numb.
My soul is dead.
I’ve been defeated.